Thursday, 28 May 2015

Time outs for children...

"Time out" is a very recognizable way to discipline children and make them realize that they have been doing wrong. But there is a lot we need to know as a parent or carer of child. When to time out and how long time out. There should always be a balance. If you time out your little one all the time you will be fail to realize them their mistake.Here are some tips you might find useful.
Reason of the behavior: Now as a carer or parent first of all you need to know why child misbehave. If they have hit some one, they threw food on the floor, they are having tantrum. Their are reason and motives behind it. First you have to make sure that your child is on the fault or not. Second if they are really tired or if its their nap time they will be out of mental state to understand and follow instruction all they need cuddle and sleep. So don't be harsh tell them "NO" and put them in bed. When is their feeding time no matter if they are 3 to 5 years old sometimes they do not admit they are hungry they just start become argumental or look for excuse to cry. calm them down speak to them and offer them food and later discuss with them. If you time them out on that specific time they will make themselves sick by crying and screaming.  So you need to know the reason of the behavior.
Stick to your rules:Some times as a parent or carer we confuse our child by making or breaking rules. So they get confuse when to do what. Simple example for younger one when we are playing with them we let them hit our face and smile and admire them at the same time when our toddler hit someone else we time them out and get angry. Our behavior is confusing for them why they are allowed to hit some times and sometimes not.So we need to make sure when we are playing with them the rules will stay the same "NO HITTING" or "NO BITING"
.For older ones I have seen parents asking their children do not let your friends play with your expensive toys or new toys but at the same time when the child do not share toys in school they have been told that they are wrong. Again its our behavior who breaks the rules and make the rules on our convenient. So if you want your child learn good manners you need to draw a boundary line and stick to your rules one straight clear message what is right and what is wrong.
Warning::I have seen parents timing out their one year old around ten times in one hour time. Does that child get the message? answer is NO. The purpose of time out is to make your child realize that their behavior is unacceptable.But before time out make sure their is no specific reason of that behavior second is warn them. Tell them "stop it" or for younger ones say "NO" to them . Get down on their level and tell them firmly not harshly. Give them time to respond. Usually three times warning is ideal before timing out.For older ones third time warn them that they will be time out.

Time out: Now you have given them warning but then too if they are
repeating time them out. For younger ones if you make them sit and say you are time out and don't move. They will get the message from your face expressions. For older ones you can ask them to sit away from play areas and let them sit and think and wait for them when they are ready to listen to you or they themselves come and say sorry. 
Most important if they get up from their place put them back on the same spot no matter how many time you have to put them back. If you let them walk away the you will never be able to discipline them. If you place them back again and again they will get the message that they have to obey you. Do not smile or talk to the while putting them back on the spot.
And please do not use dark areas or separate rooms or closing doors on them when you time them out. It cause so much distress on the younger child ( up to age 6 especially)and it will cause many harmful effects on them.
How long you should time out:Once you timed them out don't just leave them for an hour. Usually in 10 minutes time maximum they will be ready to listen to you. For younger children 2 to 3 minutes are more than enough.
How Often You should time out:
It is very important that you timed your children when its necessary if you time them out frequently than it will become routine for them you will end up timing them out ten times in an hour but every time they get up and repeat the same behavior. So use time out as last option and stop them for doing wrong by preventing the reasons or divert their attention by offering some other activities.
 Use time out as your last option: 
When we warn children our expressions n firm voice is enough for them to get the message. Time out has its benefits when you use it in a sensible way. It is best to cool the heat of anger and behavior but  as i said before balance is the key make sure when you time your children out your mind is cool enough to think appropriately and if your child has something to say or explanation listen to them. I would like to post this link which helps you to understand the psychological effects of time out. and how to make it more effective.
Do time out really work? 
Using time out effectly
Guidelines to use time out for children and preteens
In my opinion it works well if you use it sensibly . I have time out y daughter and i have positive results i warn my daughter three times and she discuss with me why she is behaving like this. Don't be aggressive and extremely harsh or mean to them they are our children not adults.