Time outs for children...

"Time out" is a very recognizable way to discipline children and make them realize that they have been doing wrong. But there is a lot we need to know as a parent or carer of child. When to time out and how long time out. There should always be a balance. If you time out your little one all the time you will be fail to realize them their mistake.Here are some tips you might find useful.
Reason of the behavior: Now as a carer or parent first of all you need to know why child misbehave. If they have hit some one, they threw food on the floor, they are having tantrum. Their are reason and motives behind it. First you have to make sure that your child is on the fault or not. Second if they are really tired or if its their nap time they will be out of mental state to understand and follow instruction all they need cuddle and sleep. So don't be harsh tell them "NO" and put them in bed. When is their feeding time no matter if they are 3 to 5 years old sometimes they do not admit they are hungry they just start become argumental or look for excuse to cry. calm them down speak to them and offer them food and later discuss with them. If you time them out on that specific time they will make themselves sick by crying and screaming.  So you need to know the reason of the behavior.
Stick to your rules:Some times as a parent or carer we confuse our child by making or breaking rules. So they get confuse when to do what. Simple example for younger one when we are playing with them we let them hit our face and smile and admire them at the same time when our toddler hit someone else we time them out and get angry. Our behavior is confusing for them why they are allowed to hit some times and sometimes not.So we need to make sure when we are playing with them the rules will stay the same "NO HITTING" or "NO BITING"
.For older ones I have seen parents asking their children do not let your friends play with your expensive toys or new toys but at the same time when the child do not share toys in school they have been told that they are wrong. Again its our behavior who breaks the rules and make the rules on our convenient. So if you want your child learn good manners you need to draw a boundary line and stick to your rules one straight clear message what is right and what is wrong.
Warning::I have seen parents timing out their one year old around ten times in one hour time. Does that child get the message? answer is NO. The purpose of time out is to make your child realize that their behavior is unacceptable.But before time out make sure their is no specific reason of that behavior second is warn them. Tell them "stop it" or for younger ones say "NO" to them . Get down on their level and tell them firmly not harshly. Give them time to respond. Usually three times warning is ideal before timing out.For older ones third time warn them that they will be time out.
Time out: Now you have given them warning but then too if they are

repeating time them out. For younger ones if you make them sit and say you are time out and don't move. They will get the message from your face expressions. For older ones you can ask them to sit away from play areas and let them sit and think and wait for them when they are ready to listen to you or they themselves come and say sorry. 
Most important if they get up from their place put them back on the same spot no matter how many time you have to put them back. If you let them walk away the you will never be able to discipline them. If you place them back again and again they will get the message that they have to obey you. Do not smile or talk to the while putting them back on the spot.
And please do not use dark areas or separate rooms or closing doors on them when you time them out. It cause so much distress on the younger child ( up to age 6 especially)and it will cause many harmful effects on them.
How long you should time out:Once you timed them out don't just leave them for an hour. Usually in 10 minutes time maximum they will be ready to listen to you. For younger children 2 to 3 minutes are more than enough.
How Often You should time out:
It is very important that you timed your children when its necessary if you time them out frequently than it will become routine for them you will end up timing them out ten times in an hour but every time they get up and repeat the same behavior. So use time out as last option and stop them for doing wrong by preventing the reasons or divert their attention by offering some other activities.
 Use time out as your last option: 
When we warn children our expressions n firm voice is enough for them to get the message. Time out has its benefits when you use it in a sensible way. It is best to cool the heat of anger and behavior but  as i said before balance is the key make sure when you time your children out your mind is cool enough to think appropriately and if your child has something to say or explanation listen to them. I would like to post this link which helps you to understand the psychological effects of time out. and how to make it more effective.
Do time out really work? 
Using time out effectly
Guidelines to use time out for children and preteens
In my opinion it works well if you use it sensibly . I have time out y daughter and i have positive results i warn my daughter three times and she discuss with me why she is behaving like this. Don't be aggressive and extremely harsh or mean to them they are our children not adults.

Children refuse eating food? Some tips for all parents.

All around the world parents are having this conversation that our children don't eat food properly. It

usually its the age group from 1 to 6 years old. I have observe many parents during my work and in friends and family. I have come across some common mistakes we as a parents make but don't realize. I can say 95% worries about food will go if we follow few simple steps.
Your child will not eat if they are not hungry:
This is very important to watch your child's appetite. They will not eat food if they are not hungry. For example:

• If your child is age over one. Cut down their milk bottles and move them on 3 times meal. If you give them bottles of milk through out the day they will not feel hungry. I have seen many parents offering their child bottle of milk around five times a day. Cut it down to three bottles . Morning, afternoon before nap and night. And slowly to one bottle a day.Its best to watch when your child have a bottle wait upto at least 3 hours befor you offer them food. When your child gets hungry they will cry and winge offer them full meal and they will definitely eat.
• For older children STOP giving them mid snacks like biscuits, crisps,bread stick setc. Offer them snack once or twice a day way before meal time. Other wise usually at home when you offer child snacks near meal time children eat snacks in large quantity so result they will not be hungry at meal time.

Set a routine:

Its important to have regular routine for meals . It will help you and save your time as well. So you can make food at once and eat as a family and finish up together. Routine is very easy to make . Its down to  you how you want it to be. Usually when children are school going they automatically follow same waking up routine in morning. So keep it up and serve breakfast and then snack in limited quantity after two hours for example two bread sticks or one apple, or some grapes. Then lunch after two hours. and evening tea after 3 hours and then night time dinner after three hours.

 If you keep 3 to 4 hours gap between your meals you will find your children will be hungry. 

Give them choice:

If you have fussy children give them choice. Give them two or three options before making food ask them to choose and cook it for them. Don't cook different food at the same time . You will end up wasting left over food. Once you ask their choice let them watch you how you making it when they wait for food they tempt to eat as well. 

Portion of food should be suitable:

Large portion of food will put them off. Children are young so their appetite will be less as well. 

Add colors to their plate:

Offer some salad and fruit and let them make their plate as colorful as they want. Two circles of cucumber , little carrot or sweet corn or peas.Even younger babies will be tempt with different colors and they will try them on. Offering variety will help them to discover new taste. But always keep the quantity low which is eatable at once.

Try out different recipes: 

Trying out different recipes keep them curious about food and encourage them to eat.But always make small portion for the first time and let them taste and if they like it you got a successful recipe to add in your menu.

Don't force them to eat:

It is necessary that you do not force them to eat all. They will eat how much they are hungry. Some

times weather, health etc can affect your appetite for the day. Like usually in hot weather they drink lots of water and juice and they don't tend to each full portion of food like they usually do.

"Kiss the clean-plate club goodbye. Not only is it bad form, in light of rising childhood obesity rates, to nag your kids to finish their food, but new research shows it’s also bound to backfire and create the dreaded Picky Eater."

(If Your Kids Don’t Want to Eat, Don’t Sweat It)
If they do not want to eat that time .Let them go and play and offer food after an hour don not offer any tings else meanwhile.

Being a parent!!

Once you become a parent automatically your whole life style changes.How? have a look:

• Outings: Wow love to go out somewhere.. But wait! lets think..if you are going holiday or just a day out trip, you will consider options like children or baby facilities, stuff you need to pack even if its a four hour outing, some snack for children, their sleep routine should not be disturb if  you have toddlers you need to make sure extra pair of clothes and spares bag , buggy, rain cover (British weather is unpredictable usually)blanket or jumper it might get cold before we come back .Or shall we go and have some  fun.. lets sort out someone for baby sit, we do need to provide detail and essentials even if we are leaving children to grand ma or a child minder so you need to arrange at least a week ahead for someone to look after your children while you are out.. .
• Budget: Can you cover your outings with in a budget? going with children or going without children?  Forget it lets go have a lunch outside..Going restaurant ?.. good.. But wait ...will all children be happy with the food or do we need to buy one burger from McDonald's before going to restaurant of our choice? If you have a toddler do we have baby facilities?..Couldn't find the carer last minute.. Lets forget about it..Just get a take away..
• Cinema: Yeah sounds good  but  wait!!will movie be  suitable for children? or we need to consider carer option? hmmm cant afford this time.. lets forget about it...

Oh NO... I am not putting you off from parenting... Its just some example how parenting can effect our life style. But there is something that you are blessed with and noting can replace it.. Your child!! Yes when the little eyes with a question look at you feel it.. The true love form your child without any expectation for them you mean world to them if you smile they smile, if you are sad they are confused. Look at them their little mischief might stress you out at  times but once they sleep and you have an hour to recharge your energy that mischief  make you smile and become a last long memory for you that even when you get old you recall it and smile. Like that day I was laying table my toddler wanted to help and helped herself by picking a bowl of yogurt and walked down to the table dripping yogurt all the way from kitchen to the dinning room.. Oh yes... you know how exactly I felt that time... but now when I recall this moment  it makes me smile..

Being a parent you physically and emotionally can not hate your child even if you lose something you ready to forget and forgive  and you might felt anger but their will be  always love mix feeling at the same time..which you only can feel if you are a parent.

You are blessed with a child... So feel it and enjoy it, save their childhood  in your life time memory.You will be amazed that you don't remember much about yourself how much you will remember about your CHILD..

What does my baby want?

When you have a new born there is so much  new things you need to learn.What does baby want/? and how would you comfort and fulfill their need. Even if this is your second or third child.Always remember each child is different. I have two children and there was a big difference between their early days. So iw ill suggest you dear readers when you have baby you need to understand what they want? How would you know ? here are some guidlines might help you to soothes your baby.

1. Always remember three reasons of baby crying.feeding, nappy, sleep. 

• Feeding:New born babies usually needs feeding every 2 to 3 hours if breastfed or every 4 hours depends how much milk they take at once. Some babies drinks milk in one go and fed for four hours but some babies drinks tiny amount and sleep. In this case they get hungry much quicker.Bottle feeding moms can see the amount of milk they drink and for breast feeding moms I will advise note down the time how long they are drinking milk it will give them a clue how much they are fed. In  first 2 days you will get to know their hunger pattern best is that you write down time after feeding that will really help you and you will be mentally ready that now if baby cries they are hungry, Otherwise you will find it hard to be organised and carry out other tasks .
• Sleep: Usually after feeding babies do sleep..But hold on second you have to burb them..Yes it is very important if you do not burb them they will be uncomfortable and in result they will be crying more. After feeding even if they fall asleep , rest them on your shoulder rub their back until they burb and then put them down they will sleep well.Here is a guid line how much sleep you child needs.

Age	Daytime sleep	Night-time sleep	Total sleep
Newborn	7hrs 30mins (3 naps)	8hrs 30mins	16 hrs
One month	6hrs 45mins (3 naps)	8hrs 30mins	15hrs 15mins
Two months	5hrs 30mins (3 naps)	10hrs	15hrs 30mins
Three months	5hrs (3 naps)	10hrs	15hrs
Six months	3 hrs (2 naps)	11hrs	14hrs
Nine months	2hrs 45mins (2 naps)	11hrs 15mins	14hrs
12 months	2hrs 15mins (2 naps)	11hrs 30mins	13hrs 45mins

 from
Baby centre http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a7645/how-much-sleep-does-your-baby-need#ixzz3WzWpTsRk

• Nappy: Most of the babies feel uncomfortable when their nappy is dirty. do check their nappy regularly.For a rough guid new born needs nappy change around 10 to 12 times a day.but as they grow it gradually cuts down.

2. Wind:  If your baby cries and screw up his face like their are in pain it is sign of trap wind.Bottle fed babies usually have wind  issue but not for every one. If you are breast feeding your diet will have direct effect on your infant. Wind is one of the common reason for babies to cry. If your baby is fed and had sleep and nappy is clean and they are uncomfortable and crying rub their belly from left to right in a circulars shape (basically you will be removing wind from large intestine,for more details check on baby massage guide lines of belly massage),pull his knees up to their stomach and kicks their legs like a cycle ride.

3.Tiredness: When you baby is tired they will cry and they need sleep.Its not necessary that they are hungry. Sometimes they had their milk but after short sleep they waken up by any sound or change or some times if you visit any place and been out that can make your child get tired much quickly. Some babies go sleep by themselves but some dont. In this case once they lost their interest in play and they dont want to be fed then its best to put them sleep and give them comfort. 

4.  RoomTemperature:  Usually when a mothers feels cold she wraps their babies in lots of layer and when they are hot they leave them open.Its a mother nature but you need to use room temperature where you baby is because its not necessary that if you are cold your baby is cold too . Do not wrap them in lots of layers.Sometimes when babies get over heated they cry then take them  out of blanket or lessens their clothing remove their socks.

5.Bored: Yes your baby do get bored if you leave them in one place for long time. Pick them up show them around, talk to them or simply which room you go to take them in the same room put them in their play mats or bouncer or rockers. It will occupied them and they will not get bored. when you change rooms take a moment and observe your baby how they look around especially lights and seems to concentrate the sound in the room that is how they get familiar with their surroundings.

If then too your baby is crying you still dont need to worry too much .As in baby centre it says.

Babies tend to cry more between the ages of three weeks and 12 weeks, usually in the late afternoon or early evening. While this is a normal, developmental phase, it's only natural to worry about this end-of-day crying. But try to see it as a period of letting off steam. One study showed that babies who fussed a lot in the evenings usually slept better afterwards (Brazelton 2003).

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1047903/understanding-your-newborn#section2#ixzz3WzekO0sc

My baby doesn't come off my lap..

Many mums struggle with their babies that they are too attach with them when they are awake they do not want to be put down they want their mums or carers to hold them most of the time. Or stay close to them. Usually first time mums struggle with this. The reason is many of us when have first time baby we are over whelmed and likes to cuddle them as much as we can sometimes different family members are around so baby is been picked up and watched all the time. So babies get used to it but as they grow this started to become an issue how to mange household work when baby is awake..
There is nothing wrong with cuddling babies in fact this is the only time you can cuddle them most once they grow older they like to keep themselves busy in their play or exploring their surroundings.
 Here I will discuss how to change your little one's attention habit.. Nothing can be done in a day or week time. It will take a bit longer and you have to set up routine and follow it.
Step 1:
First you have to start from 5 minutes. When your baby had a sleep and they are fed this is the best time to train them . Put baby in the cot or floor mat or bed by you and introduce them with colorful rattles or mobile or you can even use colorful medium size materials ( make sure they are not lengthy that can cause strangling it should be big enough that babies can grab them. And wave them). Now let the child play with them . In a day around five times repeat this routine you will be able to identify which toys attracts them most.
Step 2:
Second or third day leave toys or mobile  in front of baby and just sit by them and let them explore . Interact with them with gap you can watch TV at the same time or read book or use computer etc.. Make sure swap places do not keep them in  same place every time it can cause hardship for you later on when you are on the move. Repeat this routine three to  five times a day.
Step  3:
Now you should be able to see some positive change and when your baby is playing move around in the room that baby can see you and sit by them with gaps.
Now you have done your introduction. Now next four days when ever you put your baby after feeding to play move around the room do your cleaning ,reading

book or anything but don't sit by them continuously. In 5 days your baby will get used to play on their own while you are moving around and from their you can gradually increase the gap of your presence in front of your little one when they are playing .
If your child take a bit longer do not need to worry just be firm and repeat the routine.
Good luck!

Difference children centers can make for mums

I found out about children center first time when I become a mother and the team of children center visited me and introduce me about their services.I was quiet surprise that there is something like that available.But I quiet like the idea to meet the other mums. So I decided to go when i went their I found different mums with their new born or toddlers.
Talk to other mums: 
I enjoyed my two hours stay there. I chat with other mums we talked about pregnancies our feelings as a mum, about children their habits etc. and the talks mothers are always willing to do no matter they are home stay mum or working mums. I felt quiet relief that I can talk all about and share similar kind of feelings from others and I discover I am not the only one who sometimes struggle with their children s behavior  and routine etc.
Advice from staff:
And there we do get advice from the staff members as well who can guide us professionally and support.In the beginning I was struggling with breast feeding and I think I got the best support from children center.
Children's development:
Its not only about mums but for children as well you can see different suitable variety of toys and activities to promote different areas of their learning. Trust me bringing children to children center was the best decision I ever made. My daughter learnt to share and get familiar different activities, nursery rhymes and her social interaction was really improved which I think would be a weakest point if I would have stayed home.So when I went back to work my daughter settled in nursery much quickly as she was familiar with the same kind of play lay out in children center.Ans as our England is multi cultural my daughter was confident to interact different people from different back grounds as she has been seen them in children center so it wasnt new to her.
Children get familiar with nursery settings:
I would suggest all mums do use this service it maximum charge you one pound only per session but its worthy. Especially if your  child is due to start nursery get your child familiar with the nursery settings and different people.You will get all support and help you need considering your child's health development. And you will love it when you see your child improving and doing activities and explore.
New ideas to interact and bond with your child:This play and stay sessions provide you opportunities to spend your time with your child relax and have "your time"where you can talk all about your motherhood.Plus you come across so many new ideas how you can help your child learn either is communicating or writing.

How to prepare and treat your older one for new arrival

If you are have a second child than its a bit hard for you to make them accept their new arrival in a family. Because so far the first child was getting all attention and love but second child means that they have to share their parents with the new one .. Which naturally cause jealousy in their sensitive heart. We often hear stories when the child ask parents to leave the baby back to hospital.. It's common..
There are few things that might help your first child to feel important. As a parent you have to be aware of these  things. Few tips..
Mentally prepare your child:
When you bought new items for little baby do buy something for your existing child and make them mentally ready that this is yours and that is for your baby sibling.
Reading stories books: 
Reading story books about new arrivals like I am a big sister or i am a big brother etc.
Take suggestions:
While buying for baby items take suggestion from the older one ask them to choose colour etc.
Buy a gift:
When you go home with new arrival first time give your first child a gift from their baby siblings and tell them baby got this gift for you.
Ask them to help:
Ask your older child to help you to change nappy. Giving bath etc
Cuddle baby:
Your child is curious to touch or feel baby let them hold baby and stay next to them to keep baby safe.
Give them more time:
If your older one showing jealousy ignore it do not persist .Divert their attention and give them more time.
Praise them: 
If the older one pas you anything for baby or do any little thing praise them and show them that you are really proud of them and they are great helper.
Give them more importance:
Give them more importance than a baby because your new born will not feel any thing but your older one is noticing everything and its a very sensitive emotional time for them.
Let them explore:
If they are curious about baby things let them touch and explore answer their questions and be patient to them. They might want to play with baby toys let them usually they test their grown ups to see who is important. Yes if they are age 3 or older they do compete alot. But you have to be very careful.
Share memories:
share your memories with your older child how was it when they born show them photos and talk about it.
Promote positive thinking:
Its first time they are experiences some one younger than them so if they accidently or jelously pull baby s blanket dont get annoy be very gentle and give a impression that you know its accident and they didnt mean to hurt baby. Try to promote positive thinking as much as you can.
If you have other grown ups at home or family members you have to keep an eye that they are giving the same importance to your older one as before. In other words dont let your older one invisible from the picture on any occasion

Some suggestions for home made baby food for mums

Mums either from west or east on some point they struggled with the menu

what to feed their growing baby. Well you don't need to cook separately for your baby every time you can use portion of your daily cooked food for baby. Cook as normal before adding any chilies or salt take a portion out for your baby blend it puree if your are weaning or lumpy if your baby is using teeth).  It can be your pasta, soup, shepherd pie, meat balls with spaghetti anything from your menu.
For eastern mums I will say whatever you cook vegetables, lentils, curries cook as normal take a portion out for your baby and then add your masalas or chilies in your food so you don't have to cook separately for them . Such as chicken curry, lady finger , egg plant etc. you can serve them with boil rice or chapati.
We all probably know this but some times we run out of ideas or time. So here are some easy quick food suggestions:

Breakfast 
Cereal with milk are the best
jam sandwich or butter toast  with some water base juice.

Lunch or dinners

• Fish finger with beans 
• Shepherd pie
• Potato pie with beans
• Pasta bake
• Noodles
• Boil rice with boil chicken and gravy
• Fish pie
• Lasgane
• Cheese and tomato pizza

Puddings:

• Fruit puree or mashed fruit
• Home bake cake mix with custard
• Fruit crumble with jelly or custard
  
• Fruit salad(strawberries ,bananas, grapes) cut into small pieces
• Flavored yogurts
• Chocolate moose (occasionally you can offer your child there is no harm)
• Ice cream with any fruit(summer)
• Jelly
• Fruit puree mix with double cream
• Rice puddings or kheer
• Swayian(vermiceli with milk asian food)

 Asian food

• Pilau rice made with round black pepper and dried coriander
  
• Chicken boti take out from curry wash off chilies and give with mash(you can cook potatoes with in curry and take them out and mash it) and gravy
• Boil rice with curry
• Vegetables take a portion out before adding chilies and blend it.
• Idli with chutney( do not add chilies in your chutney) coconut chatney is best option.
• Chicken kebab take mixture out for baby before adding chilies.
• Roti with chicken pieces 
• Daal also take it out before adding chilies and mix with some boil rice

Tea

Toast with beans

Scrambled egg with beans

Sandwiches (cheese,chicken,fish paste etc)

Cheese macroni or pasta cheese

Noodles (packet noodles)

Pizza 

French toasts

Pan cake with honey or jam